11K marathon

11,309. That's how many email I currently have in my inbox. Where did I go wrong? How did I sink so deep in emails to the point of no return? This year is my year of cleanse. Cleansing my house of junk, my emails of nonsense, my work life of...well work and my mind of stress. Hmm...what should I start with? Let's make a list in order of priority and try and work on it all one day at a time. 1)update my resume and send it out to...THE WORLD! 2)go through at least 50 emails a day. READ and TRASH 3)start throwing shit out at home! I mean really, who needs all this extra stuff?! 4)get Camila to re-latch! This is a big one for me, why did I ever take a break? :( 5)go back to the original goal of this list...cleanse, cleanse, cleanse. Okay, we will stop there for now. I will check back in every day and post what I have been working on. I need to be held responsible somehow, somewhere! Tootaloo! d.

New beginnings old headaches

Since my last post a few things have changed. For one I am 8 months pregnant with girl #3(!), I have changed where Anneliese will be attending school, I have a new position at work (which is just going downhill), my last day at work was sometime in July due to all the wonderful joys of pregohood. Home: Let's just say I am not getting all the help or sympathy I was expecting with my condition and all it has brought forward. I yearn for a easy, organized, clean, self sufficient home without the costs of a nanny and housekeeper. Does that exist? I just know it does! I will keep making changes around the house until I find something that works. Three kids is no joke and I want them to all receive the same amount of attention they deserve. Especially Anneliese who is already in grade school. Marriage: we'll leave this one alone for now :) Work: like I said...downhill. I can make this a lot longer but that's the gist and I just want to touch on things I am currently working on and need to accomplish before baby in October. - create a homework/calendar/family center that houses all appointments for school/doc/dentist, grocery lists, etc. - play center/office/laundry center: already sounds like too much right? :) - living/dining/family room: I want this to be the place where we just sit and chill out. I would like it to be a space where we can all move around. At the moment it seems as though the dining table is too big and its bumping into the rocking chair that's bumping into the sofa... - kitchen: I would just like a fridge to be stocked with things I can actually make a meal out of. The dh is in charge of grocery shopping and lets just say we eat out 6/7 days a week! something is wrong here. - My bedroom: my escape. But how? when clothes are NEVER put away and I am the only one keeping or trying to keep it up. That calls for another - Girls bedroom: we're almost there with this one. It currently has 2 cribs and a twin bed. I am still working on the closet but am making progress slowly but surely. This one I am not super stressed about. :) until the next post. 3 girls, 1 closet.

Emmelyn Ariel...

We are now six weeks into the birth of baby Emme. I am happy to say the baby blues have been so much better than what they were a few weeks ago. Since its been 6 years since I had Anneliese I really don't remember how I felt after I gave birth to her. There are times when I can remember bits and pieces of when I would tell someone about the baby blues I had after her but I don't remember actually going through it. No wonder I wanted another baby! :)...One seems to forget everything, yeesh. Well since this one is still fresh in my head I might as well jot it down before its long gone. With Anneliese I breastfed her until my boobs took a turn for the worst with my nipples being cracked and all. Being that I did not have much help and I was so new to it all I gave up very quickly and formula fed her. Now, being that Anneliese was formula fed and six years later she is the most amazing little girl anyone can ever wish for I am not against it at all. She has barely been sick all these years - and she was always a good eater and is the smartest little thing ever. So again, I am not against formula :) Back to this time around...I wanted to exclusively breastfeed Emmelyn and I tried, I did. She was constantly feeding, I got minutes of sleep at all times. When I tried pumping as well, nothing was coming out, literally drops. So I worried she was not getting much milk since she constantly cried for more and never seem satisfied. At her one week check-up her doctor was concerned she lost more weight than normal and wanted us to formula feed her as well as breastfeed. After a visit with the lactation consultant it seemed as though there were more issues at hand being that my breasts did not grow at all during my pregnancy and after feeding and weighing her she was only drinking about 1/2 ounce from each. Not enough at all. Every day I told myself and everyone I was no longer going to breastfeed and will just stick to formula. I mean what's so bad about formula anyway, like I said Anneliese turned out great and hello...me too! I continued to pump so that I would not get engorged and slowly my milk will dry up. There was a good week when she did not even nurse at all and I pumped about once a day, waiting, just waiting until it would all be gone. But for some reason I kept pumping, why? Well one day when she began crying hysterically and turning beat red during a diaper change, I could not bear to see her go through that constipation again due to being solely formula fed...so I began nursing again, pumping more, praying my supply would return...and it did :) Although, I still cannot pump more than 3 sometimes 2 ounces from both at a time, she seems to be satisfied when she does nurse. {sigh of relief}. Her stools are back to normal, no pain :) pictures coming soon...

Better late than never...

I know this is the month of crochet but I had to get a little knitting in there...I could not resist. Perhaps I can post a preview now and reveal during the month of August Knitting :)

Crochet me all of July!

A few months back I took a break from my knitting needles and crochet hook. Well that's over. I am back in action and I am loving it. I will not buy another ball of yarn until I am completely done busting my stash. Now that its all organized neatly I am breaking up projects by month. July will be the month of crochet. So far I have been working on nothing but baby items...not for anyone in particular...just baby fever here. Here's what I've been working on...

Game Over

When I woke up this morning, I could not leave early in the morning before she woke up. She's too cute not to hug and kiss and cuddle in the morning. So while I was getting dressed I asked her why she said what she said the day before. Luckily, she is not the type to shy away from any topic and she likes to voice her opinion. It all stemmed from the day before when I raised my voice with her papa. She said she does not like it when I don't speak to him in a nice way. Plain and simple. When it comes to her well-being, I get very passionate about the situation and let my emotions take control. We had a teeny bit of a situation with the sitter and when he told me he did not want to get in the middle of it - I guess I did raise my voice just a tad. This has been a problem in the past and I feel as though I have gotten better about controlling my temper but sometimes it just gets the best of me, especially when its about my little girl. Now time and time again, she is the one to shed light unto my behavior. And yes, it hurts when she confronts me about it but she does it in such a positive way that makes me wonder...whom is teaching whom here... lesson learned. 4yr old - 1. 30yr old - 0. game over. They say you get wiser with age but I think it's the complete opposite.

New found freedom? Or worst heartbreak ever?

Today my pumpkin told me she wants to forget about me. She said she wants me to stay at work longer and not come home after she arrives from school. Where did this come from? All I was doing was putting lotion on her after she had bath time with her dad. So I said you don't really mean that and she said yes. But again she's 5 - what does she know?! At that point I thought I can let this hurt or I can view it in a positive way. Was this my way out? My chance for freedom? She said she wants to spend more time with dad. Well I think I need to give her exactly what she wants, right? Let dad wake up in the middle of the night when she's having a bad dream. Let dad wake up in the morning and get her ready for school. Let him worry about her dinner, bath, and bedtime [evil grin].
And so I will embark in my journey. I think a good way to start this will have to be by leaving for work before everyone wakes up tomorrow.
We will see how long this little game will last.